As I devoured half a movie-size box of Nerds at my desk today (thanks to big sis for the random gift!), I got to thinking how utterly strange Nerds are. 


And candy in general.


I mean, as today’s title implies, will Willy Wonka and his brethren just take flavored sugar and turn it into ANYTHING? Are there any rules whatsoever in Candyland? I do my best thinking in the shower, so as I lathered up my 27 pounds of hair with shampoo today, I did a little brainstorming about candies past and present.

“I shall imagine every kind of candy and MAKE IT SO!”

Today’s listmania? Categories! I call it: Sugar High or Sugar Why?


Candies with oddly insulting names:
Nerds
Runts
Lemonheads
Cry babies
Airheads

Yes, having the whole rainbow of flavors makes them extra addicting!

Candies with odd names, period:
Twizzlers
Jujubes (love saying this one)
Nibs
Dots
Skittles
Mambas
Lik-maid (a.k.a. Fun Dip)


Candies you could use to market Mad Men to kids:
Candy cigarettes
Candy lipstick
Bottle Caps
Wax bottles (has anyone ever tried these? They freak me out…)

how do you not eat the wax part? gross

Candies that are goin’ places:
Boston Baked Beans
Charleston Chews


Utilitarian Candies:
Licorice rope
Bubble tape
Cotton Candy (hmm, oddly delicious despite a gross sounding name)
Lifesavers


Clothing Candies:
Candy necklace
Candy buttons
Ring pop

anyone out there who hasn’t ingested a fair amount of paper trying to eat these?

Confusing Candies:
Warheads (what the eff)
Sour Patch Kids (were these a riff on Cabbage patch Kids?)
Goobers (why make candy sound so disgusting? Will children eat anything?)
Candy corn (delicious, but looks nothing like corn, tastes nothing like corn..)




So there you have it. Yummy candies, weirdo candies, creative candies, desperate candies… (perhaps it could be a new series like the real desperate housewives… desperate candies…)


What’s your favorite candy? Do you ever think about how utterly weird it is? What did I miss?


Meri