The forecast for my walk home today (my walk home in celebration of the four day weekend!!!) is:
Cloudy with a chance of meatballs? No, more like Snowy with a chance of … snowballs! What an unbelievably beautiful afternoon. It was much warmer than this morning, and everything was covered in these huge featherweight snowflakes. I walked around in awe for about a half an hour…
Winter wonderland! I’m really looking forward to this long weekend, and of course of course Thanksgiving tomorrow (must…have… sweet potatoes… now…. mrgggh green beans…. now…)
Of course I’m thankful everyday. But because I have one more day until I’m under an obligation of sorts to profess it from this very blog, I will instead focus today on the fools that make us want to scream, throw things, cuss, and generally make pain.
Do you know who I’m talking about yet? It’s the person who makes you crazy at the office. It’s the person on the telephone/ service call who doesn’t seem to be listening despite your best attempts to repeat yourself and be patient and considerate. It’s the driver who “forgets” to see the crosswalk, as they make eye contact with you in the snowstorm… (this didn’t actually happen today, I’m imagining…).
What can we call these people? We all know that it is an incredible release to insult people when they make us nutbags about something. It’s sort of like swearing, but different. I am a firm believer in the creative insult. It takes a weak weak brain to call somebody an insensitive name that is derogatory to others. Yet people often don’t think about what they are saying, they just act out in frustration and habit. What’s a word nerd to do????
Well, compile a list of alternate insults to have at the ready! Tally ho!
-mouthbreather (thanks dad, I still love this one and use it several times a day)
-birdbrain (used this one today after an AHEM interesting phone call)
-turd burglar
-waste of space
-twit (old school)
-knucklehead
-dumba$$ (not very creative, but still funny to me to this day when taken literally)
-crapbag
-dunderhead (where on earth did I hear this?)
-useless sack of____ (i’m not censoring, I really do change what I fill in the blank with)
-turd (greatest word ever?)
what else? I”m drawing a blank under the pressure here now. Man-go-round is branching out into “your momma is so ____ that ____ ” and long-winded insults now. I can appreciate these here for their creativity, but I would never use them in daily language because I don’t feel they would provide the same release as a turn of phrase such as “buttwipe” which makes me laugh out loud and forget all of my troubles.
So, my challenge to y’all is:
1. (okay, there’s two challenges) Give me some comments and more ideas to the world!
2. Try to have a backstock of creative and funny insults/ names to call at the ready so next time you think your head will explode, you instantly think of one of these, laugh it off, and have a fabulous rest of your day. Or four day weekend.
Happy Holidays Y’all! I’ll be back tomorrow with some special pictures from my summer RESERVES!
Meri
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