Happy Independence Day Everyone!

I spent the weekend with family and friends at our cabin. The drive there was sunny, idyllic, and fairly traffic free.

The weekend was beautiful, filled with sun (perhaps a bit too much), food (cookies, cole slaw, falafel chips, and more cookies) beer (Hamm’s) and good company. Alas, a few hours ago it was time to leave so I could get back to the “real world” and back to get unpacked before work tomorrow.

My drive started out lovely:

…lovely and serene, right?

Well a short 20 minutes later, I began my descent into the seventh circle of driving hell. The weekend cabin commute. A whole new level of abominable driving. Begin rant:

Rule #1: THOU SHALT NOT TAILGATE! I do not care if you have diarrhea. I don’t care if you think you need to be somewhere and that you are more important than every other driver. If you drive your stupid pickup so close to my bumper that I can see the wedge of chew embedded in your lower lip in my rear view mirror I will not speed up and get any closer to the long line of cars in front of me. I might, however, mess with you and slow down a bit to see the steam emerge from your hair sprouted ears. So step off, b&$%#.

Rule #2: Remove cell phone from sphincter ear, then drive D-bag! All of you jerks staring at your cell phone screen as you text, swerving, weaving, and leaving obscenities in your wake? Watch the road. You morons with your phone attached to your ear, not noticing when your blinker is on for approximately 17 miles? Get off the road. Just leave.

Rule #3: Like, Relax, Man! This is a catch-all rule for freeway driving. Office Space covered this one pretty good as they mocked the driver who switches lanes every 14 seconds, conVINCED that this lane will now miraculously open up and they will get to BYPASS THE OTHER 10,000 CARS ON THE ROAD! Newsflash, mouthbreathers- you are CAUSING THE TRAFFIC JAMS! Your ridiculous constant revving of the engine followed by slamming on the breaks interspersed with cutting people off and causing people to have panic attacks? You aren’t just “part” of the problem. You are the ENTIRE problem. You deserve an eternity of stop and go traffic, I hope you enjoy your karma you spazz-bots.

….AHHHHHH, that feels much better! I should rant more often! Take it easy out there on the roads, friends- there are scary drivers about! JOIN THE FUN: What kind of drivers make you go nutbags crazy? Do you get mad back at them or ignore them?

and fret not if you are not so angry as myself- tomorrow feels like a RAVE day!

Meri