Happy Friday Friends!

Tonight we made a few stops- liquor store, co-op.

The co-op we went to is a very small and charming one that I wrote about here. It is small, in a pocket neighborhood, and run by volunteers. It surely has the potential for a “locals only” type of vibe. In all of my visits here, have I ever felt that way? Not a bit. It’s the friendliest store I ever did visit!

However, being there reminded me of another hipstery neighborhood in the city which shall remain nameless where I resided for several years. Snobs abound over there. My rant for tonight? Snobs. There is nothing worse than a snob, and there are SO many varieties. In no particular order:

Breed 1: The wine/beer snob Gee, Marcus… I’m so incredibly sorry to have sullied your party with my inferior Red Stripe/ Chardonnay/ cheap champagne. What a jerk was I to think that I was contributing to the dinner/ party/ holiday. If you won’t drink it, beer snob? I will. This also includes d-bags in restaurants who pretend to know what kind of wine they want but really have no idea what they are talking about. We know who you are, and we mock you when you leave.

Breed 2: The music snob Perhaps portrayed best by John Cusack in High Fidelity, the music snob looks down upon anyone with musical taste different than their own (that’s my best guess anyway). You might hear this jerk mention “I liked them BEFORE they were popular” (that one’s common among emo highschoolers…) or they might be offended if you like a popular song by, say, the Beatles. They resent anyone who newly discovers a band. I think deep down this breed really needs to forge an identity for themselves that isn’t about music they “discover.” Because I hate to say it- but I bet the bands they love like the fame!

Breed 3: The literary snob I make NO apologies for my reading choices. Sure, I’ve read Fitzgerald and Kerouac and Flaubert. I’ve dabbled in Kafka, Nin and Miller. One of my favorite books is James Baldwin. But I also read Helen Fielding, Harry Potter, and magazines. I read travel memoirs, chick lit, and non-fiction. There is a book next on my list called “The checklist manifesto” and I’m guessing that it is not lit-snob approved. But I learn when I read, even if its an Archie Comic. So get over yourself, lit snobs.

Breed 4: The Health/ Organic snob Sure, I try to eat certain fruits and veggies organic. Sure, I try to eat only whole, non-processed foods. But I like to enjoy a bag of m&ms quite frequently, and I even drink soda with aspartame in it. Am I going to die? probably. But aren’t we all? Live a little. And I’m going to go out on a limb and say that if you feed your kid one Swedish fish that doesn’t adhere to their strictly gluten free organic no sugar diet- they just might live. And they might not rebel themselves into diabetes as a teenager. I’m just sayin…

Breed 5: “The Local” The most toxic and laughable of all snobs,  “locals only” snobs caricature themselves. Quite common in urban coffee shops, for one. Or you might walk into a bar for the first time and suddenly get the impression that Dwayne and Eduardo are going to need to ask you 20 questions before you can claim a stool. They might scoff when you don’t know the specials or order (gasp!) something that isn’t only $1. Or, you might take a vacation to a small town-say, a beach town- and get stared at everywhere you go because you didn’t grow up with Mona down the road and her cousin Larry, and you are just visiting. Newsflash, “local”- at one time, someone was there before you. When you croak, someone else will inhabit your booth. So chill out, you look constipated.

Well, that’s all I can think of for now. All of this negativity is EXHAUSTING! But it does feel good. What kind of snobs do you encounter? Are you snobby about anything? Do you just want to rant about snobs with me?

Go on… you know you want to…

Meri