Hi there! Before I start ranting all over the place, I have a fun little game for you. It’s called: Which of these restaurant meals is not Meri’s?
So which one do you think it is? You can leave a guess in the comments! But just when you think you know me… you may have no idea. Muah ha ha ha.
So, now that I’ve done something lighthearted and goofy, I must rant about my feelings about “restaurant behavior.” I should preface this noting that I have worked in both restaurant and fast food situations in my day, and I know what is “expected” of restaurant staff. That said, I believe there is obnoxious and unacceptable behavior both on the part of restaurant patrons and staff. I used to think the only thing a patron could do wrong was tip poorly. I was dead wrong..So don’t do this stuff:
Begin Rant.
If you are a restaurant “guest”
1. Thou shalt not send s&%* back because you don’t like it. Learn to order what you want, and deal with it.
2. Thou shalt not snap at thy waitstaff. They are not dogs. A meaningful moment of eye contact should do the trick. In a pinch, a slightly raised hand will get their attention with half the obnoxiousness of the snap.
3. Thou shalt not assume anything about the menu/ rules of a restaurant. That means if the waiter says “no substitutions,” after you ask, let it go. He is probably  not allowed to change certain rules, and you need to be less rigid. Again, let it go.
4. Thou shalt keep an eye on thine children. Yes, they are adorable, but the two-top anniversary table or starving artist penning his memoir might not want to entertain them. That said, I personally adore charming other peoples’ children while at certain restaurants.
5. Thou shalt not take out random wrath, piss, and vinegar on the waitstaff. You do not go out to eat to abuse waitstaff because you feel small inside, do you? Okay, good, just checking…
If you are a waiter/hostess/food runner, etc:
1. Thou shalt not use fingers on the inside of glasses to hold four waters at a time (unless bussing). I know where those hands might have been as a busser… gross. Use a tray you neanderthal.
2. Thou shalt not ignore tables completely when swamped. Again, a meaningful smile as you hold an entire busload of dishes from another table will give your patrons the hint to relax without making them anxious that no one will ever stop by.
3. Thou shalt listen to guests. As in, if somebody seems incredibly concerned about a certain item they can’t or wish not to eat, that is probably the important part. Don’t feign listening to someone ordering no meat, and then return with a bacon covered salad. This wastes everyones time. Mistakes happen of course, but can’t we all just slow down?
4. Thou shalt not act like a snooty arsehole if your patrons don’t look expensive. Similarly, thou shalt not rush people through at warp speed if patrons don’t seem to be in a hurry. Word will spread, my friends. And I will slow down to the pixelated version of myself to spite you if you do. Consider yourself warned.
5. Thou shalt not stop back and ask the exact same questions multiple times. Where do some people learn their social skills? Great Scott!
So….. what kind of restaurant behavior  (waitstaff or diner) really irks you? Do you or have you worked at a restaurant? What was your experience like?
And are you psyched about my upcoming GIVEAWAY or what??
Meri
Agreed and agreed! I have never worked in food service, but I’m sure it’s a tough job.
Hot Holy Hell, your eating fish taco’s, aren’t you? (do you enjoy my use of hot holy hell?)
I want to win your giveaway, even though I don’t know what it is yet. Maybe the taco mentioned before this statement?
well, I have a hint… it has to do with foooood….
Besides the fact that those pictures made me INCREDIBLY hungry. Im having a hard time guessing which one! Im going to say maybe the fish taco’s? Scratch that, Im going to go with the pancakes. Final answer.
I agree 1000000% With both the patron and the waitstaff’s do’s and dont’s. But One million percent on the dreaded snap. A customer did that once to a fellow employee, and when she told us about it, we were all in shock. Of course, she put him in his place, but the idea of it, was nothing short of disgusting.
It reminds me of a caricature of a snooty rich person, I’m always floored when people actually do it…
LOVE this! I worked for a very brief time at a restaurant and have so much respect for my waitstaff! I get annoyed when children are crazy…it will totally come back to get me when I have my own, but I’m around kids all day and enjoy peaceful evenings while I still can! lol!
I know- it must be true that when you have kids you don’t notice how annoying they are or something haha!
Oh man… I was a restaurant mgr for 7 years and worked in a restaurant for 9. (Hello HS and college job!) So I’ve heard, seen and done it all. I think EVERYONE should work in the restaurant industry in their lives at some point. It certainly shows you how to treat others. Customers don’t realize that you’re a real person too! Trust me, I have horror stories! Maybe that’ll be a future blog post 😉
And I’m gonna guess you went with the fish tacos!
Yikes- I barely made it part time for about 2 years… 9 years is a long time for someone our age- like a third of our life haha! I’d love to hear a post about that!
The fish tacos seem an easier guess, but I’ll go with the pancakes. You seem to prefer adventurous food to me?
I can’t stand stingy tippers. I hate it when people take out their calculator, and when they spend 30 minutes trying to divide the bill into exactly what THEY ordered, because god forbid they pay an extra dollar for the other person’s lemonade.
My opinion (and I know I’m not alone) tends to be- if you’re going out to eat, you’re not trying to save money. Don’t be a cheap jerk. The calculator is the worst…
I am super excited for your giveaway!! I will guess the last picture. But really, thought they could all be yours. Ewww, what waiter was putting her hands inside your drinks. Naughty naughty. Good rant!
haha- I’ve seen it a lot before, but most recently we were out somewhere and man-go-round brought it to my attention. It was different drinking my water after that…
I guess it would be the fish tacos!
haha- you will have to wait and see!
I was a waitress for one summer in high school, and I always made sure to check on the drinks for my tables. That way, when I’m asking if anyone needs refills, they can also ask for other things. And, I hate when I can’t get refills during my meal. Even after I mention to the waitstaff that I drink Diet Coke like there’s no tomorrow and to keep them coming. They get double tips when I get a lot of Diet Coke.
I always appreciate a waiter who notices fast drinkers… whether that be diet coke, water, beer… or if they stop back before happy hour ends to do last call, I’m a big fan of that!
I do not want to think that it is the last meal. This food looks yummy.
http://www.fashionmechic.com/
wait and see! And though they weren’t all mine, I had at least SOME of all of them, and they were yummy!
Okay. My guess is that your meal is not number 3? hmmmm. Tricky! 😉
Love your rules for both sides of the dining experience. I hate when people are rude to wait staff…but in turn, I hate when the wait staff don’t listen! UGH!
it’s a two-way street! people just need to behave, period…
You, my dear, are my hero. I agree with everything that you listed here, and I think that every restaurant in the world should hire you as their director. You will be busy, but people will be happy.
http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88
Hmmm, director of every restaurant in the world. That has a nice ring to it 🙂 I’m assuming it pays infinity? Haha, I’ll take it!
Oh my gosh – those fish tacos look amazing! I’ve never worked in a restaurant and I’ve never had a really bad experience so I can’t really comment on that – but my friend was a waitress which always makes me sympathetic towards them cause she definitely told me some horror stories!
…I hope she didn’t get the dreaded snap hahaha
I’m guessing that the papaya salad isn’t yours?!
I rarely go out to eat because I live in a small town and there aren’t many veggie options, so I just stay out of it so I don’t have to make modifications and irritate servers as well as my dining companions.
I used to work in a restaurant and my biggest peeve was when people would send something back because “I didn’t ask for onions.” Really?! Would you like a stranger to touch your food even MORE before you eat it? Wouldn’t you rather remove it yourself?!
It seems like people have a certain “routine” they go through at restaurants, if they are kind of pretentious. Acting out a little scene to get attention. Get over yourself people! Its just a meal!
ive worked in the waitstaff industry and i cant stand when someone eats 3/4 of their meal, asks to have it taken off the bill because it was gross. if they had taken a bite and didnt like it, sure… but not if its almost gone!
Ahhh, but then they would have to PAY for their meal, which gets in the way of going out a different place every night, complaining about the food and refusing to pay!
I hope you’re not eating papaya salad because papaya is icky. 🙂 I kid, don’t worry 🙂
I think I get annoyed when places aren’t busy and the wait staff still sucks, but that kind of stuff happens!
thou shalt not debase my beloved papaya! hahaha
lmao at “And I will slow down to the pixelated version of myself to spite you if you do”. great post, i cosign everything that you stated!
i don’t know what you DID order but you SHOULD have ordered those fish tacos because they look soooo yummy! i want them NOW.
I wrote a similar piece about how to not be a pain in the ass customer: http://www.socialitedreams.com/blog-posts/how-to-not-be-a-pain-in-the-ass-customer.html
I’m glad you approve- and excited to read your post! Ever read the book/ blog Waiter Rant? Its very cathartic…
PANCAKES.
I have worked in my share of restaurants, bars, as hostess, waitress, cashier, bartender, cocktail waitress, even worked in the kitchen. so i’m pretty lenient when it comes to staff/restaurants and try to be the best guest despite whatever happens.
but i do hate when people send stuff back when it’s what they ordered. i’ve eaten many a things i didn’t want because i didn’t read correctly! i will send it back when i find HAIR in my food, tho!
all valid points here 🙂
[oomph.]
Gross, hair, I know… I found glass in my food once. I was not pleased…
Hmm…I’m not sure which meal isn’t yours. I’m going to go with the pancakes? Also, I hate when waitstaff act snooty when we don’t look expensive.
methinks they need to come down off their high horses!
Okay, I have decided that coming to your blog was the perfect way to spend my GRE study break. You never fail to make me laugh! 🙂
That makes me feel very good- thanks Stefanie! Good luck with the rest of your studying!
What a difficult one… but I’d say the fish tacos!!
I’ve never worked for a restaurant, but I’m pretty sure its not always a pleasant job – at least not with people like me. Not that I’m very itchy on anything, but I can be terrible when food doesn’t arrive on a reasonable time. So… lets see – if things are busy in the kitchen, I prefer the waiters to tell me and, uhm, to bring me a little snack (or like they call it here, amuse bouche)… it really gets on my nerves when they try to AVOID you!
you’re right 🙂 it was the fish tacos- they belong to the boyfriend!
and I agree about sitting around for forever with no salsa/chips, bread, amuse bouche, etc…
great post! I’ve been a server too and try to be extra nice because I know it can be hectic.
Patrons – servers are not there to cater to your every whim at your beck and call. A little understanding goes a long way
Servers – don’t be a-holes! Just because your having a bad day, don’t take it out on your table
I’m not sure which is worse- patrons taking it out on their waitstaff, or waiters taking it out on the diners…
I’m totally with you on the restaurant behavior rules – it always amazes me how much certain people can act like ass hats in restaurants. Oh, and I am sure I am wrong, but I’m going to guess fish tacos…
xoxo ~ Courtney
http://sartorialsidelines.blogspot.com
you are right- it was fish tacos 🙂
I’m going to guess that the pancakes weren’t Meri’s! Here’s hoping I’m right.
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and giving me yummy pictures of food. Now I’m hungry. Wonder what I have in the house to eat…
I agree about the waitperson treatment, though I’ve never worked in a restaurant. I know it must be a very stressful job, with a lot of people to take care of every day and a lot of grief to handle. But I’ve run into some very rude waitstaff.
Something I’ve always found funny though, there’s actually a restaurant where the waitstaff are EXPECTED to be rude, it’s part of their job description. The ruder the waiter, the higher you’re supposed to tip. I think it’s supposed to be in New York or something. Anyway, I’ve always said I don’t want to go there. Normal waitstaff can be rude enough.
Thanks for the great post! Have a great day and happy eating!
there’s a place here in Minneapolis called “Bad Waitress,” except the schtick is that the waitresses are “bad” because there aren’t any, you fill out an order card on the table and then they come pick it up… its actually a pretty cool place! But the place you mentioned? I’ll have a “no” to the restaurant with a “side” of good luck making money…
i’m going with pancakes!!
i totally agree with the restaurant rules.
thanks for stopping by my blog 🙂
Oh, I used to HATE snappers when I was a server! We called them “Snappy, the often-overlooked eighth dwarf”. And as a guest, I can’t stand it when the servers work extra hard to avoid eye contact with me. So frustrating!
hahaha- I laughed out loud when I read that…they might even deserve a worse nickname than that…
I’m going to go out on a limb and say the salad is not yours.
I agree with all of your restaurant rules. I always find it weird when people don’t know how to do a good job (or don’t care to) and also when customers act like jerks. …guests are paying for good food and service and employees are paid to deliver it. Wouldn’t the experience be more pleasant for everyone if we just kept it simple and followed the rules?!
mmm the papaya salad was maybe my favorite… it was the fish tacos 🙂
This is such a great post! I think if everyone had to work in the food industry for one day they would see things a whole lot differently!
I know- there are certain experiences I think should be mandatory in a human’s development…
oooh those fish tacos look so good!