Hey all- I wrote this a few weeks ago when I was more in the thick of recovery. I thought I’d reproduce it here and see what you all think about certain overshares…
As I sit typing this I am propped up on my couch amid half a dozen pillows, stretched out in front of a TLC bridal show marathon with a copy of the third Hunger Games novel by my side. There is a Vitamin water by my side accompanying an array of pills and Post-It notes. If you haven’t guessed yet that I’m laid up after an emergency surgery last week, I could go on and describe for you the 34 staples lined up to hold my 8 inch incision together down the length of my abdomen.
But wait… stop me if I’ve crossed over into “too much information” territory! If there is one thing that this recent experience (as well as a similar surgery last fall) has taught me, it is that there are no hard and fast rules about how much information to give people when you are ill or injured. Just when I think I know how many details are appropriate in a given situation or with a particular audience, I am surprised again and again at the differing comfort levels people have on this topic.
My mother, for example, is all too happy to listen to me expound on the different degrees of pain caused by scar tissue in my belly. My nurses in the hospital went so far as to measure my urine, consult about my digestive goings-on, and to generally ask for every detail that generally would be considered way, way more information than a person would share. As friends and relatives visit and send “get well soon” cards, they inquire after my recovery and I walk the quivering tight rope between explaining what is happening and scaring them with the gory details. While my boyfriend knows all about the routine I follow of post-shower wound after-care, I know even the site of the incision (at least until the staples come out) is likely too graphic to show my young nieces.
Certain populations of people tend to be a little more verbal with their ailments than others. I’ve been around enough pregnant women to know that it is likely you will hear about gas, bladder control, nausea, and more at the prompt of a simple, “How are you today?” Our dear senior citizens are known for their discussions of aches, pains, and… regularity. Groups of women will commiserate about their periods, and men often complain of back aches or sporting related injuries (yes, this is a sexist paragraph. Sue me). Beyond these neat little populations, though, there is always an outlier who throws you for a loop when you least expect it.
For example, while I kept pretty mum about the details of my surgery to my work clients the last time I went through this, I was surprised by a few parents who ended up seizing the opportunity to tell me about the details of their child’s struggle with Crohn’s disease or to share their own experiences with major surgery. As I attempted to gloss over the ugliness of my own personal health, I was met instead with frankness and honesty and genuine care and concern. When we live our lives scared to gross people out or overshare, we might end up missing out on a larger support system we weren’t aware was out there. While it is intimidating and sometimes uncomfortable to share with others the extent of our own health problems, one unexpected benefit is the possibility that someone might give us the reassurance that we are not alone and that the scary things happening to our bodies are not so strange after all.
However, no matter how much I have become an advocate for being open about my body and the way that it works, I can’t ignore the many awkward occasions I’ve witnessed when somebody shared way more than they needed to about their health or bodily functions. For every surprisingly open bonding experience I’ve had over, say, my chronic dry eyes, I’ve experienced that horrible moment when you know somebody is going to tell you about something that came out of them in a non-traditional way (we’re talking pooping, barfing, bleeding, snotting…I’m not going into details here). Thus, I think the answer here is to tread lightly.
A few ground rules for sharing, caring, and sparing:
- Nobody but your doctor or caregiver needs to know the consistency of your poo, vomit, boogers, or open wounds. Period.
- If you’re dealing with a serious illness, injury, or other ordeal, its appropriate to share a simple explanation with friends, coworkers, or neighbors. If they ask for more details, go ahead and share some.
- When suffering from a mild affliction (cold, sore throat, pink eye, earache), alert others if contagious but keep all other details to yourself. We’ve all had a cold, that’s why it’s called common.
- If something unusual is happening to your body, it’s appropriate to tell closefriends or family, or your doctor if necessary. Conversation beyond these circles just seems like pandering for sympathy or an awkward over share, in my book.
